A Conservative Look at Valentine's Day

I’ve always had a problem with Valentines Day.  No, I never had a terrible experience once upon a time, and no, this isn't another "over-commercialized" rant.  If you really love her, Valentines Day is a waste of a holiday and I’ll explain where you guys are doing it wrong.

The popular consensus for February 14th seems to be that you bring home expensive roses, some chocolates, and whatever half-decent card you found in the checkout aisle for one passionate, romantic night.  Sounds great, right?  I mean, how bad can a little romance be in a relationship?

The problem I have comes from the importance we place on this holiday and thus how unimportant the rest of the year becomes.  A solid relationship is not built on a crazy passionate night once a year—or even twice a year.  A relationship is grounded on pursuit.  Guys, when you first met her, you ferociously pursued her.  As time passes, this attraction has a tendency to fade and we start relying on a special holiday in February to light up the passion once a year.  Valentine’s Day becomes a crutch to hobble through a stagnant relationship.

But wait, I can already hear you saying “But it’s a good thing to show my girl how much I love her!”

I’m not saying it’s the wrong idea.  Every relationship needs long-stem roses now and then.  But if Valentine’s Day is the only time you bring home flowers, what are you really showing?  Nothing, because it’s already expected.  You’re insulting her by manufacturing demonstrations of your affection.

So you brought her flowers on February 14th, good for you.  You also took out the garbage can on Tuesday night so it gets picked up.  Because really, what’s the difference?

When you proposed, when you married her, you committed to a life-long pursuit of her.  It won’t be the same as when you were courting: life continues, kids throw you heels-over-head, the economy tanks, etc.  But through everything, she’s still there at your side and deserves better than a $6 Hallmark card once a year (seriously, that much for a freaking piece of paper?!).  Don’t insult her love like that.

This year, instead of trying to find the perfect Valentine’s Day gift, try something that won’t be gone in a week.  Commit to pursuing her like you did before.  Commit to being the person you were before you were married (just learn from your life lessons since!): be creative, be passionate, be the person she fell in love with.

Instead of waiting for one day of the year, make EVERY day Valentine’s Day.  Surprise her with flowers every couple weeks, just because you love her.  Bring her chocolates after she’s had a bad day.  Leave a handwritten love note on the bathroom mirror before you leave to work in the morning.  She deserves it for putting up with you.

That is why I dislike Valentine’s Day so much.  I shouldn’t be forced to show my love.  I should be treating her with the care and respect she deserves all 364 other days of the year as well.  Don’t put my love in a box for one day only.  She deserves the same attention and affection every day.